Brokeback Penguins

Hot damn, that's one funny title for a post. Of course, I didn't think of it myself, I don't have the brain capability to come up with something so sharp, but RyCrisp sure as hell did, and for that I salute him.

The masses have been yearning for more stories of hot male-on-male penguin sex, and I have the tonic that's sure to make you drip fluids from your nether regions, you nether region dripping fluid guy you:

BERLIN (AFP) - Six gay penguins at a German zoo are still refusing to mate with females of the species flown in from Sweden in 2005, the zoo said.

The problem was that the female Humboldt penguins have proven too shy in their advances, the director of the zoo in the northern port city of Bremerhaven said.

"The Swedes will not make the first move," Heike Kueck said.

I read this article to my dog, and Rex told me that male penguins are more inclined to have homosexual sex than any other of God's creatures. Then Rex dragged his ass across my new carpet and shit on my couch. You're a very bad dog Rex, you're very, very bad.

The zoo has 10 male penguins of which six have shown strong signs of preferring male company and formed couples among themselves.

The initiative to "turn" the penguins and make them mate had prompted a furious response from gay rights groups.

Can you imagine anyone getting *furious* over something like that. If it was the other way around and gay guys tried to make straight penguins go queer, I wouldn't be furious, I'd be too busy laughing at the thought of gay guys trying to homosize straight penguins.

For the love of Christ gay people, these are penguins we're talking about. It's not as if hetero's are kidnapping homos from bathhouses and injecting straight serum into their faggoty asses. This is a simple case where zoo keepers want penguins to pro-create so the world can enjoy the antics of God's great mistake: The penguin.

I was planning on spending the night whispering sweet nothings into Fido's ear, and perhaps giving him a world class hand-job, but you gay people have spoiled it for me. Now I think I'll just drink my spritzer and relax to the soothing sounds of Bette Midler while laying naked on my hardwood floor.

You know how I know you're gay? I saw you blowing a penguin.