Re-Elect the Mayor

As Minister of Re-Education for the Exceptional City of Mitchieville, I am proud to announce the following policy initiatives that exemplifies the superb leadership of our illustrious Mayor...

1) Embracing Taxpayer Diversity through Multi-Culturalism

The Planet Earth, Canada, Ontario, Mitchieville faces certain destruction at the hands of the forces of Global Warming, Mass Extinction, Racism, and Heteronormativism. In order to raise up our voice against these perils that threaten our fine citizens with certain doom, the Re-Education Ministry will implement the Embracing Taxpayer Diversity through Multi-Culturalism policy.

Education funds will be directed towards those students who show ability in Mathematics, Science, and the Trades. Those students who do not have behavioural problems will be embraced, and encouraged with homework and teaching to excell at the skills they need to become top end taxpayers.

Those students with behavioural problems (and I mean those in ShakaZulu's Rebellion Arts program) are going to be bused to Toronto's exceptional Jane-Finch High School. Toronto has superior funding for disadvantaged students, as well as no border controls. This Administration is confident that our Blood and Crip-Canadians will thrive in these particular learning establishments. (At least until such time as our earth rapist Federal government comes up with the funding for the environmental assessments, builds the facilities that meet our specifications, and funds and hires the special instructors and administrators needed. It will take decades before our Looter-Canadians can be educated in Mitchieville. How sad.) In the interim, This Administration feels that it is best to have our Looter-Canadians educated in a cultural area that embraces their values. Our Taxpayer-Canadians can be educated here.

This is a bold initiative that illustrates the exceptional leadership skills of our Mayor, and his Minister of Re-Education.

2) Environmentally Friendly Disaster Readiness Planning

Within days of the Re-Election of our Mayor, those Village Peoples who are considered at risk (collecting welfare, attending Glue Anonymous, affiliated with gangs) will be pre-evacuated to a disaster re-location shelter camp located in the safest part of the province of Ontario - Elliot Lake. This place is so geologically safe that radioactive waste is stored there. Elliot Lake has a higher social worker to indigent ratio than Mitchieville, and has ample housing in keeping with the cultural values of our Looter-Canadian, Homeless-Canadian, and Tapeworm-Canadian Village Peoples! Here, our At-Risk-Canadians can live an environmentally friendly livestyle in an authentic aboriginal MushSkunk (the Winnebago tribal name for village) which uses no electricity, oil, coal, natural gas, or peat.

3) Job Opportunites for Everyone, Regardless of Ability!

The buses used to re-locate our Gangsta-Canadians to Jane-Finch, and our At-Risk-Canadians to Elliot Lake will be driven by Abilityless-Canadians thanks to a generous grant from the Federal Government. Each bus will actually be driven by a driver with a license, but an abilityless driver will be included on the payroll. Upon arrival at their destination (Jane-Finch High School or Elliot Lake) the abilityless driver will be given his methodone and the driver will return to Mitchieville with the bus.

This is a bold initiative! Vote for the Mayor! Stop the forces of Global Warming, Mass Extinction, Racism, and Heteronormativism by voting for the Mayor!

I, Gengis Badwulf, quaestor for the election campaign, approved this.