Things I have said to women at shitty bars

"So, how long have you been a greeter at Wal-Mart?"

"Yup, as soon as the royalties starting coming in for Stairway to Heaven, I knew my life had been changed forever".

"Enjoying your roofie Colada?"

"Sorry, I'm too white to dance".

"No way honey, not even after 12 whiskeys and 2 Viagra"

"the first thing I noticed about you?, that's obvious, it's your arm hair, you should be making subs for a living".