Hippie Wisdom

Every Tuesday I make a visit to the local welfare office to catch up on all the good work our frontline combatants in the jihad against human waste are doing, despite spending cuts, racism, and invisible white consumer goods.

There are so many people in need in Toronto. There are no programs or funding to help them. There is a famine. Children are without hope.

I met Inyrtyy, a typical welfare person being helped with the meagre resources available to welfare people in Toronto. So up I climbed from the heated indoor parking lot, up the four flights of stairs to the third floor meeting room which overlooks Queen street. On Tuesdays, Inyrtyy has his weekly progress meeting. Even though he is downtrodden and oppressed, he sat up straight with pride in his accomplishments. The meeting began when two urns of coffee and three big boxes of muffins from Tim Hortons arrived. Inyrtyy sat and fidgeted in his wool sweater, designer jeans, gold chains, and sneakers with flashing lights.

I was introduced to Inyrtyy's team of caring care givers: There was his social worker, Lyndy. His Job search coach, Dyrlyn. His conflict issues co-ordinator, Wyndy. His Opportunities-Ontario Librarian, Bylyndy. His current Diversity Teacher, Cywbyll, was there too. It was quite a tribute to the dedication of these people that most of team Inyrtyy was present. Only Jyrry, his Diversity Tutor, was absent as he was on a well earned vacation to Bangkok.

The meeting opened with a public cursing of Stephen Harper and his greedy, selfish taxpayer followers. Then everyone gave a reading of last weeks minuites, then moved to present business. Inyrtyy is preparing to go to a job interview, hopefully in April when the weather is better. Inyrtyy wants to be a concert pianist, or a stock broker. Last year, at his last job opportunity with the Regent's Park School of Music, he had a difficult time.

The Regent's Park School of Music is racist, said Inyrtyy. I had a job interview with them. Those racists said that I had to know how to play the piano to be a pianist.

There are no job opportunities for the homeless, said Dyrlyyn. Wyndy and Bylyndy burst into tears. What more proof that Canada is a racist shithole!

Inyrtyy starts to cry too. I will never become a stock broker now! My hopes are crushed by invisible white consumer goods!

I looked down at the ground in shame at the disgusting greed of taxpayers who refuse to give more money more often to give the deserving poor like Inyrtyy the opportunity to become concert pianists or stockbrokers.

The crying was interrupted by Inyrtyy putting up his hand. I am hungry, he said. Cywbyll then bared her breast and Inyrtyy began to suckle. I kept my eyes averted yet also watched so as to not offend the feminists by neither staring at the breast feeding nor not staring at the breast feeding as a rejection of a woman's right to suckle in public at any time, place, with the exception of offending Muslim religious sensibilities.

I nibbled on a muffin listening to the loud slurping of Inyrtyy and the soft weeping of his team of care givers. For here part, Cywbyll sat stoicly, her face flushed, her lips reddened with anger at racism, panting in a slowly increasing tempo.

After his Charter of Rights guaranteed right to not have to be weaned was confirmed, Inyrtyy put up his hand again. My diaper is full, he said.

Bylyndy turns to me, You are new so you get a pass today. She groans, then giggles. Like the team they are, the care givers dump the coffee down the sink, pitch the boxes of muffins into the trash, and clear off the conference table. Bylyndy comes in with Inyrtyy's tote bag, and puts an adult sized changing towel down on the table, along with a fresh adult diaper, and a carton of wet-wipes.

Unfortunately, I got an important cell phone call from the Mayor of Mitchieville right around then, so I was unable to see what happened next. What happened before then is available as a pay-per-view at Badwulf's Activist Action web site. If you like to watch, if you support feminist breast feeding, have your credit card ready. We accept Visa, Mastercard, or American Express.

None the less, activists think that everyone thinks that every thinking person thinks that social spending should be increased. Inyrtyy needs your help. Can you let him into your home or office as an equally challenged, ability-zero Half-Canadian who needs your money, your food, and your bed to sleep in?

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

crossposted at Dustmybroom, because I can.