Mariah Carey--I'm Losing My Ass

Mariah Carey talks to Sky Showbiz, and tells them that friends have noticed her *weight loss*:

"I've been working out like mad, you can even punch me in the stomach and feel how tight that is".

I guess my dream of punching Mariah Carey in the stomach may come true after all.

"But I got to slow it down, cuz the other day someone told me I was losing my ass, and I don't want to lose that".

Ah yes, life is good when you are surrounded by a bunch of ass-kissing brown-nosers.

To be one of Mariah's ass-kissing friends, it helps when you have 200 pounds of lipstick.

Mariah seems to think that she is losing her ass, but I can tell you that I think I have found it. It's under that other ass of hers.

It's scientifically proven, that once your ass reaches a certain size, it starts growing another ass on top of it. Thus, Mariah's ass #1 may be small, but ass #2 dwarfs the little ass every time.

So, it's correct when Mariah states that she has a smallish ass, but it's also true that her smallish ass can't be seen because the bigger ass has eaten it.

Tyler Durden begged me to post this, and that is exactly what I did.