Save the Alligator

I, like all responsible Canadian non-heteronormative progressive activists, was delighted at seeing the social unrest unleashed by Hurricane Katrina. It is about time that the downtrodden and oppressed ethnic minorities of the Evil Empire of America rise up and take back what they are rightly entitled to. Being on welfare for three to five generations is inadequate reparations for the crimes committed by strangers to strangers three hundred years ago!

When I saw the looting on television, I felt good. Sure, only ten percent of the population had enough social consciousness to ride out the storm and turn to material liberation (looting), sexual consciousness raising (rape), and confronting reactionaries (murder). I have serious doubts about the nature of the ninety percent who obeyed the three days of warnings and took the free buses to shelter. What sort of scum are they? Do they not want to throw off their chains and get back at the evil white heteronormatives by material liberation, sexual consciousness raising, and confronting reactionaries?

I just watched a piece on Oprah about this middle aged woman who was so disgusted with the crime that she swam to dry land. This woman has betrayed the revolution. She should have stayed on the bridge with the gang-bangers and waited for rescue. She could complain about the helicopter rescue when it came. This would help the cause of political correctness far more. She could sue the helicopter pilot and then start living large, touring with Ward Churchill and speaking about how the white man oppresses trees and fungi.

I cannot wait for the first film of evil military thugs shooting helpless innocent people. This, I hope, will stop the war in Iraq. There will be Sixty Minutes reports on how the evil white man is killing the endangered alligator.

I take comfort in knowing that here in Toronto there are pockets of likeminded revolutionaries, eager to act like their activist brothers and sisters and she-males and he-girls and other multi-generates in the swamp of New Orleans. So when catastrophe hits, I know that there will be looting, murder and rape in Toronto. In the past, in the dark ages of the fifties or sixties, before ethnic minorities were forced to come to Canada, one could only fear the inevitability of rescue by mono-colored police, military, and fire departments. Now, In the new and improved twenty first century, we can hope that some third world gang is unleashed in your or your mothers neighborhood, for material liberation, sexual consciousness raising, and confronting reactionaries. One more thing to thank Pierre Elliot Trudeau for. Hurrah!

It is nice to know that the revolutionaries will not be punished for their so-called crimes. They will be rescued, wearing their new tennis shoes, carrying the flat screen televisions, and big bags of dope and cash. They will spread inland, exploiting the inadequate social welfare system, telling their happy story of uprising and spreading the seed of the revolution to their like minded brothers and sisters and she-males and he-girls and other multi-generates.

Los Angeles will be the next disaster. But there will be no warning for Gangsta City. Earthquake need only cut off the electricity and the city will burn. Burn at the hands of the valiant ten percent! The ninety percent will not be able to escape, and the ten percent will be fortified with the wisdom and experience and story telling of the Heroz o New Oh-leanz Should be fun to watch. Death to America at the hands of the Valiant Gang Bangers! Hurrah!

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this, giggling